Workshops
The Skills of Community
I. Understanding the Individual
Before creating community, we must understand our own internal life.
Our brains have 3 distinct parts: from an evolutionary standpoint, we have 3 brains. The middle
brain, the limbic brain, rules our behavior in unexpected ways. It is the seat of our emotions. It is
timeless and blind. And if we don't understand it's workings, we lose choice.
What we think of as our brain, the neocortex, is the home of rational thought, and time.
Understanding how the limbic brain communicates with the neocortex can be extremely valuable.
Why do we get hijacked or triggered when interacting with others? What is happening? When we
are triggered or experience intense emotional reactions, the limbic brain is always responding to
our aggregated past experiences, never the present experience. Our emotional reactions are
never about what's happening right in front of us. Our emotions, just like our memories and learning,
are built from past experiences.
The key skill of being with others is first understanding our own reactions, interrupting our automatic
reactions, and restoring our choice. Only when we can choose our behaviors are we ready to
interact with others with caring and compassion.
2. Understanding Relationship
Many skills can help us interact more effectively with others. And we can understand the toxicity of
destructive interaction patterns. Firm skills in relationship are a pre-requisite of successful
community.
When we listen to others, we must be able to manage our emotional state. This means not lashing
out, even if we feel triggered or angry. How do we manage these erratic urges from the limbic
brain?
The best tool is mirroring, as defined and detailed by Harville Hendrix. Mirroring is like reflective
listening, but much more sophisticated. It allows each party to be completely present, and for both
parties to be fully heard.
Additionally, Hakomi and other techniques allow us to practice non-reactive, non-emotion-driven
interactions.
3. Understanding Community
Only after we have skills as individuals and interactors can we create joyous community. But there’s
a simple secret to it. It revolves around the concept of significance. What we make significance
determines how we create separation.
How is relationship different from communion? Relationship is the distance between 2 points. It's
about separation. Communion is about oneness and no separation. When we make communion
our priority, and eliminate the limitations we had previously accepted, we free ourselves to a level of
community unimaginable in our old paradigm.
In this part of the workshop, we share tools for eliminating our limiting points of view, dispelling
judgements we do not need, and opening the community to true peace and infinite possibility. We'll
practice the skills and open the door to true communion. Whether the community is a family, a
workplace, a spiritual or activism organization: What can a group of people in communion
accomplish and create? It's not idealistic theory: It's available today!
I. Understanding the Individual
Before creating community, we must understand our own internal life.
Our brains have 3 distinct parts: from an evolutionary standpoint, we have 3 brains. The middle
brain, the limbic brain, rules our behavior in unexpected ways. It is the seat of our emotions. It is
timeless and blind. And if we don't understand it's workings, we lose choice.
What we think of as our brain, the neocortex, is the home of rational thought, and time.
Understanding how the limbic brain communicates with the neocortex can be extremely valuable.
Why do we get hijacked or triggered when interacting with others? What is happening? When we
are triggered or experience intense emotional reactions, the limbic brain is always responding to
our aggregated past experiences, never the present experience. Our emotional reactions are
never about what's happening right in front of us. Our emotions, just like our memories and learning,
are built from past experiences.
The key skill of being with others is first understanding our own reactions, interrupting our automatic
reactions, and restoring our choice. Only when we can choose our behaviors are we ready to
interact with others with caring and compassion.
2. Understanding Relationship
Many skills can help us interact more effectively with others. And we can understand the toxicity of
destructive interaction patterns. Firm skills in relationship are a pre-requisite of successful
community.
When we listen to others, we must be able to manage our emotional state. This means not lashing
out, even if we feel triggered or angry. How do we manage these erratic urges from the limbic
brain?
The best tool is mirroring, as defined and detailed by Harville Hendrix. Mirroring is like reflective
listening, but much more sophisticated. It allows each party to be completely present, and for both
parties to be fully heard.
Additionally, Hakomi and other techniques allow us to practice non-reactive, non-emotion-driven
interactions.
3. Understanding Community
Only after we have skills as individuals and interactors can we create joyous community. But there’s
a simple secret to it. It revolves around the concept of significance. What we make significance
determines how we create separation.
How is relationship different from communion? Relationship is the distance between 2 points. It's
about separation. Communion is about oneness and no separation. When we make communion
our priority, and eliminate the limitations we had previously accepted, we free ourselves to a level of
community unimaginable in our old paradigm.
In this part of the workshop, we share tools for eliminating our limiting points of view, dispelling
judgements we do not need, and opening the community to true peace and infinite possibility. We'll
practice the skills and open the door to true communion. Whether the community is a family, a
workplace, a spiritual or activism organization: What can a group of people in communion
accomplish and create? It's not idealistic theory: It's available today!
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