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Relationships: Human and Humanoid

I define love thus: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's
own or another's spiritual growth.”
                                                                                  M. Scott Peck

  What would life look like without relationships? Without songs of unrequited
love, don’t want to live without you, my one and only, you complete me, I will always
love you, hearts destroyed, I’m now an empty shell, I hate you forever? Without
boredom, cheating, not enough sex, too much sex, I don’t even know this man
anymore, and bitter divorce? Without until death us do part, men are from Venus,
he was unfaithful, I can never trust again? Would stand-up comedy as we know it
just end? How much brain capacity, formerly dedicated to the trauma and drama
of relationship, would come on line? How much capacity for life?

  Of all the topics of our lives, none is so heavily programmed as love and
relationship. We are taught what it is all our lives, by observing our families,
watching TV, playing with toys. Being loved in a meaningful way means having a
relationship, we’re told. Having a serious life of any worth means someone has to
know you well and love you. Otherwise, you’re just sad, and your life has
amounted to nothing.

  And we’re taught what it means to love: what we must feel, do, perceive, say,
what it will be like.

  I always felt confused by all the teachings I received. When I remember the time
when I entered my first relationship, I realize I had NO IDEA what I was getting
into. Truly. It went fine, and was expansive for me, but I was oh-so-very clueless.
Second time around? Not all that different from the first. What is this thing called
relationship, I wondered?

  I was always confused about what love seemed to be, too. No definition I heard
really clicked for me until I read M. Scott Peck’s, from The Road Less Traveled,
quoted at the top of this article. I knew that, the way I understood love, I never
wanted anyone to be with me just because they had committed to be. In my vision
of love, I wanted what was best for both of us, and if we woke up one morning and
truly no longer desired to be together, I wanted no silly promise to force us into
false togetherness. Clenched teeth and anger coming out sideways were not my
idea of good relationship. All I wanted was to know that my partner wanted to be
with me: at this moment, by choice.

  The brains of those who are well programmed by the human perspective will now
be tossing out things like, ‘Oh, so you just jump ship at the first sign of discomfort!’;
‘You have to WORK at relationship’; ‘It’s not always light and expansive, but you
GROW through working things out.” I can IPOV that, but I don’t hold these words
as true for me anymore. It never even felt true when I was in the situation itself.

  Before and during my relationships, I often wondered: If my partner had the
opportunity for a strong spiritual connection with someone that also wanted to
manifest sexually, why would I deny him that expansive experience? I saw the TV
response I was supposed to have to being cheated on, but I wondered how I would
actually be ‘hurt’ by such an event. I didn’t feel in me the source of trauma that
actors seemed to find. My partner couldn’t HURT me by having sex with someone
else! I am an infinite being. The idea was ridiculous to me.

  Oh, now I’ve really done it!! The human perspective rages and sputters!!
Monogamy and marriage are Highly Valued Moral Imperatives not to be messed
with!!! And yet they incorporate so many outright lies. I always knew that, and
many of you also perceived it. But we were well programmed not to mess with
these particular sacred cows. The world would end!

  The cows are even more sacred today, as we see them crumbling. Even those
who defend them see that. And the radical right is fighting for its very existence.
But most marriages today end in divorce. 60-some percent of men cheat on their
wives, and forty-some percent of women cheat on their husbands. Most
marriages are almost sexless, and either become platonic friendships or end in
acrimony. These facts are not even in dispute anymore.

  In a little cabin in Gatlinburg on November 5, we’re going to be talking about a
new vision of relationship, one that is fun, light, and expansive. One that doesn’t
rely on oaths, drama, no sex, compromise, trauma, or any of those things that sad
love songs talk about. One that is based on true caring, and CHOICE: a choice
“to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual
growth.” To extend one’s self, not out of obligation or commitment or promises,
but out of true caring. Even if true caring means saying, “You know, this isn’t
feeling good for me anymore, and you don’t seem happy either. Maybe the caring
thing would be to live separately?” When I left my relationships, it felt so right. It
was time. Holding on didn’t feel light or expansive for either of us.

  Humanoid relationship is not much known on the planet; the predominant model
is human. How will we describe this new vision of infinite possibility? What
COULD it be like? This is a radical re-defining that we can have a lot of fun with!
Just how fulfilling could it be? What are the infinite possibilities? When will we
start choosing them in our own lives??