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Do I need my rules?

The other day I got my evaluation at work. It was glowing! My boss had some
really nice things to say. And only one thing that was at all negative: Has a little
issue with tardiness, but it’s getting better. When I read this line I was thrown! 2
rules were tripped in my head: 1) “Life is fair.” My boss had never once mentioned
this to me as an area for improvement, although there had been little indirect
comments; 2) “Everyone must be consistent and rational.” The only things she had
said on the topic were quite opposite to this comment: ‘I don’t care when you
come and go; just keep track of the time, and make sure you get your hours in.’
So she was so wrong to mention this on my evaluation, and I really wanted to have
her take it back. Remove the offending line.

This one issue stuck in my craw. On an otherwise glowing review. But that wasn’t
fair! And then the broader truth of the situation struck me: My rules had been
violated. I had judgements about her, me, and our relationship, and she had acted
in a way that was inconsistent with those. Things were not as I wanted them to be,
and so I had an emotional reaction. “No, that’s not fair!!”

How much of my waking life have I spent wrestling with “That’s not fair!”? This is
one of the Big Rules of Life I have taken on: Life IS SUPPOSED TO BE fair.
Everything that happens to me should be WHAT I DESERVE. People should be
100% CONSISTENT in their thoughts and actions toward me. Bad people are
inconsistent; I don’t like them. Good people do and think as I’d like them to. I only
associate with good people. The world MUST NOT VIOLATE the rules in my
head.

So this morning I woke up reflecting on this event, on my reaction to this unfair
comment. It remained stuck in my craw. (And remember: this was a GLOWING
review!) And then came the “A-ha!” moment.

The work of Access is clearing (eliminating, destroying) judgements, beliefs,
definitions, and decisions from our lives. And rules! Any judgement that we make
limits US. Any definition, any decision about what’s right and wrong limits US.
Would an infinite being need such rules and definitions? Or desire them? These
things don’t help us navigate life; they just force our brain to create limitation,
because with them in place, we CANNOT perceive directly: our brains have to
make everything conform to our judgements and rules.

Remember the Access definition of emotion? An awareness we don’t want to
have.

In that moment of reflection, the whole episode shifted for me. That unfair
comment on my review was a gift! My reaction was emotional, and so it revealed
to me that I was responding to rules and judgements I don’t truly believe. When I
become aware that I’m resisting, I can continue the dismantling of those rules and
definitions. I can become freer of these ideas that limit my life.

Once I see the gift, my state of being changes from anxious to grateful. Grateful!
How beautiful that my boss wrote this line on my review! It brought me more
consciousness and enlightenment! It woke me up from the unconsciousness of
my rules, the rigorous packaging and forcing of life into certain pre-determined
ideas that were not even mine to begin with. Gratitude is a natural state for us as
infinite beings. It’s a connectedness. It reveals that we’re really perceiving and
receiving life.

We’re just past the national holiday of gratitude. And isn’t this amazing? We have
managed to create a mess out of Christmas, but Thanksgiving has escaped all
the hype and commercialism and stress. Thanksgiving is a pretty plain concept
that has not been altered much. We get Thanksgiving, it makes sense to feel
grateful. We don’t change it because we don’t need to. Christmas? We just keep
trying to make it better, bigger, more meaningful. Better presents, more stuff.

Gratitude is an acknowledgement of the richness of our universe. The awareness
that my review brought. The miracle of my body. The blessing of sunshine. The
sweet sound of rain on the roof. The roof over my head. Legs that work. A car
that works. Awareness. Gratitude is consciousness. If we are conscious, we are
grateful! Rules in my head are anti-consciousness. Gratitude is having my
unconscious anti-consciousness brought into the sunshine.

What would it be like to be truly present in the world, without rules and
judgements? What will it take for me to waste NO TIME (none!) on broken rules
and emotional responses, but to move right to awareness? How does it get any
better that this?

What would it be like to choose gratitude and joy every day, every 10 seconds?
And just give up the rules?